gosh. when was the last time that I actually came back to this little space of mine to talk about ha ha, the almighty me! these days I haven't been feeling great. oh friendships oh, it breaks my heart and hurts my soul. I keep telling myself that people aren't obligated to reciprocate the way I treated them. but who knows it will hurt this much knowing despite putting effort into a friendship, it still didn't turn out like how I have expected it to be. 

truth to be told, I don't ever think that people cares about me. like the problems I have shared to them are so insignificant till the extend where they would just brush me off like whatever I have said don't matter. yes, I might have gotten used to this routine but those that aren't like this before are behaving like this now which yet again, allowed me to lose faith in humanity I have restored countless times. maybe, or yes, I don't belong anywhere. my existence may not even mean shit to anybody. and that I can be brush off by people so easily. ouch. hahaha. all in all, I guess I am not enough for the ones that I cared about. I disappoint people and so they disappoint me. 

for countless times I have felt the same shit and time after time I allow myself to feel like shit. why haven't I learn the lesson that I actually do not matter to anybody? I couldn't help it but to think of the worse all the time.

p/s: I pray that grandma is gon get better and better from now on.